What to do when your spouse won’t go to counseling
Filed under: Ask, Conflict, Counseling, Marriage, Relationship Patterns
advice from Michael & Amy Smalley
This is not an uncommon issue couples have when their marriage gets stressed out. My first bit of advice is to relax and take a deep breath. You are not the only person on the planet who’s spouse will not go to counseling. Do not feel ashamed, embarrassed, or isolated. These emotions will only make things worse. You can feel sad that your spouse refuses to go to counseling, but you do not want your attitude to turn nasty because of his or her refusal.
What you can do is go to counseling. There is a misconception about the need for both the husband and wife to attend counseling together. This is not totally necessary. You can experience incredible change simply by changing yourself. Whatever dysfunctional pattern your marriage has adopted, when you finally start doing things differently, the pattern is permanently changed.
Dr. Debi Smith also suggests:
If you’ve already talked about it at length and you’re ready to begin counseling now but your spouse isn’t, you might want to go ahead and make an appointment, then say something like:
“I know I need some help figuring out what I’m doing wrong in our relationship. I made an appointment with Dr. Smith next Tuesday at 7 o’clock, and I’d really like it if you would come with me.”
Don’t say anything more. Don’t press for an answer or remind him or her that you’re going. Just go.
If you live in Southern California, just click here and let’s get started!
Couple Communication: Lesson #1
Filed under: Communication, Conflict, Dating, Engaged, Female Point of View, Gender Differences, Male Point of View, Marriage, Relationship Patterns
by We women thrive on conversation. Is it any wonder we want to have real, meaningful conversations with the men we love? We want to share our secrets, our dreams, and the details of our days with those who are close to us.
When something’s bothering us, we want to talk about it. We don’t necessarily want it fixed, but we NEED to talk about it.
In fact, Dr. John Gottman’s research shows that you need to get a positive response – a response that says “tell me more” – from your mate about 86% of the time.
So, if you want to increase your chances of getting more positive responses, you must know the “Six Basic Communication Problems and How to Avoid Them.”
Communication Problem #1: HARSH COMMENTS
Let’s face it: We really want to be gentle creatures, right? So we let a lot of things slide. Little stuff that bothers us. We ignore it.
We do give our guys hints, but “guys don’t do hints.” They don’t even notice them!
So nothing changes, and our frustration builds up over time. Although our hearts are in the right place, this really isn’t a good idea at all.
QUESTION: Do you let your frustrations build up?
If you do, you’re more likely to start a difficult conversation with a “harsh comment.” Usually a sarcastic one. When you start with a harsh comment, there’s a 94% chance you will NOT get a positive response!
EXERCISE: Make a mental note of every time something bugs you and you bite your tongue. If it’s more than once this week, you’re more than likely setting your own “harsh comment” trap. (We’ll be talking more about how to bring issues up gently, and sooner rather than later.)
Would you like to know Lesson 2’s Communication Problem? Click here to register for the FREE eCourse, Why Won’t He Talk to Me?
NOTE: All information provided in this FREE eCourse is for educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for a professional evaluation. If you are experiencing emotional distress, please contact a mental health professional.
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