advice from Michael & Amy Smalley
This is not an uncommon issue couples have when their marriage gets stressed out. My first bit of advice is to relax and take a deep breath. You are not the only person on the planet who’s spouse will not go to counseling. Do not feel ashamed, embarrassed, or isolated. These emotions will only make things worse. You can feel sad that your spouse refuses to go to counseling, but you do not want your attitude to turn nasty because of his or her refusal.
What you can do is go to counseling. There is a misconception about the need for both the husband and wife to attend counseling together. This is not totally necessary. You can experience incredible change simply by changing yourself. Whatever dysfunctional pattern your marriage has adopted, when you finally start doing things differently, the pattern is permanently changed.
Dr. Debi Smith also suggests:
If you’ve already talked about it at length and you’re ready to begin counseling now but your spouse isn’t, you might want to go ahead and make an appointment, then say something like:
“I know I need some help figuring out what I’m doing wrong in our relationship. I made an appointment with Dr. Smith next Tuesday at 7 o’clock, and I’d really like it if you would come with me.”
Don’t say anything more. Don’t press for an answer or remind him or her that you’re going. Just go.
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