by Dr. Debi Smith
Anyone who gets within three feet of me
knows that I’m hopelessly romantic.*
My online presence confirms it, as does my personal video collection, which is comprised of 99% romance. In fact, I get razzed a lot for my tendency to quote lines from romantic movies.
As Good As It Gets. The Cutting Edge. Dan in Real Life. Enchanted. Everafter. Hope Floats. Joe vs. the Volcano. The Kid. The Mask of Zorro. Miss Congeniality. Overboard. Pretty Woman. Pride and Prejudice. The Runaway Bride. The Shop Around the Corner. Sabrina. Sense and Sensibility. Shall We Dance? Sleepless in Seattle. Something’s Gotta Give. What Women Want. When Harry Met Sally.
We all love the “meet cute” at the beginning of the movie. It reminds us of the hope and joy we experience at the beginning of a relationship.
Next, the boy wins the girl … or at least gets her attention. Then he screws something up … or at least she thinks he did. And the rest is about getting her back. Which takes less than 2 hours, of course.
We’re set up from the start to believe they will get together and live happily ever after. It’s the way love’s meant to be, right?
So why do our own love stories end painfully? Well, because love takes more than 2 hours to develop. And because, despite popular belief, it isn’t always the guy who screws things up.
That’s why I love my job. I get to help couples figure out what has gone wrong with their relationship. But most of all, I love helping the boy win back the girl. I told you I’m hopelessly romantic.
But it isn’t just about the movies …
As a Licensed Psychologist and Couples Counselor, I’ve studied the Psychology Men and Traditional Masculinity at the graduate and post-doctoral levels, and I’ve taught a university class on this very popular subject. What I’ve learned is that most women don’t have a clue about men’s experience, and that most men don’t know how to explain it.
So I put together a series of classes for women who want better relationships with the men in their lives. And the men I saw in couples counseling wanted me to teach them about women, but they’ve admitted they’d probably never attend a workshop about understanding women.
The Best Things Happen While You Dance!
Couple dance is a beautiful example of what makes a romantic relationship work. The man takes the lead, and the woman follows. He guides and protects her. She influences him, even as she admires him … and makes him look good to anyone who’s watching. (As Danny Kaye sang, “Even guys with two left feet come out alright if the girl is sweet.”)
So for several years I’d wanted to find a way to use dance as a part of my experiential approach to helping couples grow in their relationships, but I was limited in how I could teach dance … especially to men.
Then a Miracle Occurred …
The day after I presented my first Princess & the Frog seminar at Newsong in Irvine, I met Fred Judkins, a delightful Christian man who shares my beliefs about the God-given differences between men and women … and how we should treat one another.
That sunny Sunday afternoon, I had the opportunity to dance with this very gracious and very funny guy, and was not only fascinated by his dancing skills, but also by the gentleman’s demeanor. It wasn’t long before I was mesmerized by the way he talked about a man’s role in the lives of women. And I soon realized that what he had to say fit perfectly as the counterpart to what I was teaching women and how I was helping couples.
Here’s someone who can teach dance and – more importantly – can teach the men!
Fred graciously volunteered to help me with an event in the OC, and this dance is the result. He is a very talented man who loves the Lord, and I know you will enjoy knowing him … almost as much as I do.
So . . . Shall we dance?
* The Urban Dictionary defines “Hopeless Romantic” as follows:
This person is in love with love. They believe in fairy tales and love. They’re not to be confused as stalkers or creepy because that’s not what a hopeless romantic is. All hopeless romantics are idealists, the sentimental dreamers, the imaginative and the fanciful when you get to know them. They often live with rose colored glasses on. They make lovelook like an art form with all the romantic things they do for their special someone.
* The Urban Dictionary defines “Hopeful Romantic” as follows:
The opposite of a hopeless romantic. The hopeful romantic is someone who loves the idea of love, but also lives in the real world. They see the world as full of possibilities to find their love. They know that they will find someone to love, or may have already found that someone. They see the world optimistically because they know from experience that things are pretty good. Hopeful romantics take their time, don’t rush into things …
So technically speaking, I’m actually a Hopeful Romantic.