by Dr. Debi Smith On the surface, it seems like poor communication is the problem. But like so many other things in life, there’s more to it than that. The lack of connection and understanding run deeper than mere word-choice. There are some fundamental biological and social differences that lead to very different world views…
Read MoreCategory: Conflict
It’s Your Choice
At one time or another, we hurt the ones we love – whether we mean to or not. Sometimes we’re just being selfish – totally self-absorbed, and we don’t even realize the level of pain our actions will cause for our spouses. Whatever the reason, it simply shouldn’t happen – in a perfect world. But…
Read MoreDifferent Worldviews
No, Mark and Cathy are not from different planets. However, their biological differences (nature) and the impact of their respective life experiences (nurture) have resulted in very different ways of looking at the world … and at their relationships. It’s what you say that counts: Women were taught to talk openly about their feelings when…
Read MoreMark’s Story
Mark’s experience was quite different than Cathy’s. (For Cathy’s story, please read After the Honeymoon.) Although their honeymoon had been totally amazing, he was glad to be home from Paris. For years, one of his favorite end-of-the-day routines had been to grab a quick snack and head to the bedroom for some late-night TV. When…
Read MoreAfter the Honeymoon
After 14 years of marriage, Mark and Cathy have separated. Mark is having an affair. Cathy is miserable and doesn’t know what to do. She’s tried so hard to make her marriage work and, through her tears, she wonders where things went so terribly wrong.She doesn’t remember it now. It happened so long ago, just…
Read MoreThe Box
My dentist has a poster on the ceiling at his office. He put it there so his patients would have something to look at while they’re in the chair. I think about it sometimes because it reminds me of myself. It’s a picture of a tiny kitten looking up helplessly from the bottom of large…
Read MoreAre Women More Complicated Than Men?
So many couples who are experiencing relationship problems seem to need an interpreter. In fact, what I mostly do during a couple’s counseling session is to to translate “what he just said” into words that she can understand, and then translate “what she just said” into words that he can understand. So on the surface,…
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