Menu
  • Home
  • Honest Help for Real Relationships
  • Appointments
  • Contact
OC Christian Couples

Getting the Love You Want

Posted on January 31, 2008

In the last Note, we talked about your “bids” for your partner’s attention. Did you do a little research of your own? How effective are your bids at getting the response you want?

If you are part of a happy couple, you should be getting a positive response about 86% of the time. That’s a pretty good batting average, eh? If you want to improve your current average, here are a six things you’ll want to avoid.

  1. Harsh comments: When your bids for your partner’s attention start with a harsh comment, there’s a 94% chance you won’t get a positive response!
  2. Criticism: You know when you’re criticizing. At other times, you may be engaged in playful sarcasm. Even though you may be joking, it’s usually not a good idea to launch an attack on your partner by questioning his or her character, intelligence, and/or abilities — especially in front of friends and family.
  3. Generalized statements: Such as “You never …,” “You always …,” or “What’s wrong with you?”
  4. Stonewalling: Withdrawing and/or refusing to respond to your partner when you’re hurt definitely won’t get you anywhere.
  5. Defensiveness: Assuming your partner is going to be critical from the start can set you up for reactively attacking in self-protection. Realize that not everything he or she says is meant at an attack. Your partner may be trying to tell you something important, but just be really bad at letting you know what he or she needs or wants. Be patient. (More on that later.)
  6. Contempt: This one is particularly toxic. Couples who show contempt for one another — either verbally or nonverbally — rarely get the love they want.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

https://youtu.be/S5t4RGtUD3Y

Recent Posts

  • What to Look for in a Godly Man’s Leadership
  • Communication, Connection, and Conflict Resolution
  • What’s the Problem?
  • Happy Birthday, Dr. Debi!
  • Why Won’t He Talk to Me?

Recent Comments

  • Reyna on Never Leave Your Partner Behind
  • Edie on Pardon My Mush
  • Kristopher on Needy or Openly Vulnerable?
  • Sheila on The Countdown Begins!
  • B J Kinney on Needy or Openly Vulnerable?

Archives

  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • March 2011
  • February 2011
  • January 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • September 2010
  • August 2010
  • July 2010
  • June 2010
  • February 2010
  • November 2009
  • October 2009
  • July 2009
  • June 2009
  • April 2009
  • March 2009
  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
  • October 2008
  • September 2008
  • August 2008
  • July 2008
  • June 2008
  • May 2008
  • April 2008
  • March 2008
  • February 2008
  • January 2008
  • December 2007

Categories

  • About Us
  • Ask
  • Biblical Principles
  • Books
  • CBT
  • Communication
  • Conflict
  • Counseling
  • Dance With Me
  • Dating
  • Divorce
  • EFT
  • Emotions
  • Engaged
  • Events
  • Female Point of View
  • Forgiveness
  • Friendship
  • Gender Differences
  • Gender Differences
  • Infidelity
  • Internet
  • Just for Fun
  • Making Memories
  • Male Point of View
  • Marriage
  • Marriage Ministries
  • Premarital Counseling
  • Quizzes
  • Quotes
  • Relationship Patterns
  • Relationship Patterns
  • Research
  • Romance
  • Sexuality
  • Social Media
  • Uncategorized
  • What every couple should know

Meta

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org
Copyright © 2005-2021 OC Christian Couples by Dr. Debi Smith